


Tahas Rahurill

by kyluxtrashcompactor, oorsprong



Series: Second Honeymoon [5]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Protective Hux, darkside husbands
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-17
Updated: 2016-05-17
Packaged: 2018-06-08 23:11:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6878647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyluxtrashcompactor/pseuds/kyluxtrashcompactor, https://archiveofourown.org/users/oorsprong/pseuds/oorsprong
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A shadow fell across the bed in the dying light of the window. It hovered, then shifted, expanded as Ren moved closer, and the bed depressed, and Hux felt familiar fingers in his hair.</p><p> </p><p>  <i>"Talk to me."</i></p><p> </p><p>“Ren… this isn’t the time.”  Hux closed his eyes at the much-missed feeling of his hair being stroked by Ren’s deft fingers but he kept his back to the knight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tahas Rahurill

Hux spent the afternoon chasing his thoughts in nervous circles, fixated on Fiiranza’s words.  He had to tell Ren.  He couldn’t tell Ren.  Every possible path led to destruction; every choice the wrong choice  He paced, sipped aimlessly at water to kill his appetite, and finally resorted to rummaging around in back of a drawer for the sealed container that held the dregs of his tobacco stash.

 

Ren came home to find him slumped against the back door with a hand-rolled cigarette between the shaking fingers of his right hand.  Hux acknowledged him with a brief nod.  

 

The knight paused, his hand on the door handle, arrested in pulling it open. The basket from their aborted picnic hung in the other hand, the flower-patterned blanket bunched beneath his arm. Ren searched Hux’s face and when Hux averted his eyes with a short nod in greeting, Ren’s brows slowly formed an angry vee.  

 

“Oh. So we’re reduced to just nodding at each other now?” he snapped.

 

Hux reached up and nervously scratched at the back of his neck, took another drag of the cigarette.

 

“I don’t know what you mean.  I’m sorry I left.  I had some things to attend to here.”

 

He risked a glance up at Ren.  Though he’d retreated from their bond he could sense his anger.  It would have been impossible to miss.  Well, he supposed it couldn’t be helped.

 

Ren clattered the door shut with a swat of his hand. “What _things_? This was supposed to be a break from work.” He dropped the basket to the ground beside his feet, and folded his arms, staring down at Hux. His posture made him seem taller, looming, and the air around them felt charged. Far out to sea, the clear weather threatened to turn foul, with bulbous blue clouds boiling on the horizon.

 

“Oh, Ren,” he said, more to himself.  “It’s going to rain.  Go on inside.  I’ll be there in a moment.”

 

“I don’t take orders from you,” he snapped, though he nevertheless jerked the door open, which slammed into the forgotten picnic basket and scattered its contents as Ren disappeared inside.

 

Hux sighed, stamped out the butt of his cigarette, and began to gather up the remains of their picnic, covering it with the bunched up blanket and bringing it all into the house before carefully closing the door.  He busied himself putting things away, sorting the rubbish, and carefully dusting off the blanket.  It would need to be washed.

 

After a moment he went into the bedroom and lay on the bed, only bothering to kick his shoes off.  A vile wave of helplessness swept over him.  He curled his knees up against his chest and stared at the wall while he debating rolling another cigarette.  Such an easy habit to pick up again.  All it took was one sharp blow to one’s foundation to set it crumbling and all the old vices came back with a vengeance.

 

Ren was actively ignoring him; that much Hux could sense just from the sounds that drifted in from the rest of the house. The refrigerator door opened, the compressor whirred as it stood that way for a long moment, then it slammed shut. Hux could almost picture Ren staring into blankly, not really looking for anything that would be visible there. Then he heard the muted sounds of a holovid from the den, though he couldn’t make out any words. It stopped after only a half hour. Then the door opened and shut, and for a moment Hux thought Ren had left, only to hear it open again a few moments later. Any further sounds were drowned out in a sudden boom of thunder, sounding as though it were directly overhead.

 

A shadow fell across the bed in the dying light of the window. It hovered, then shifted, expanded as Ren moved closer, and the bed depressed, and Hux felt familiar fingers in his hair.

 

_"Talk to me."_

 

“Ren… this isn’t the time.”  Hux closed his eyes at the much-missed feeling of his hair being stroked by Ren’s deft fingers but he kept his back to the knight.

 

Ren snatched his fingers away. Outside, lightning flashed and rain began to patter on the roof. Ren inhaled, and let it out shakily.

 

“It _is_ the time,” his husband said. “Whatever is going on, I can assure you that what I am imagining is worse.”

 

Hux swallowed and nodded to himself.  No doubt it was true.  He’d been so invested in keeping the news from Ren that he hadn’t taken into account what the knight’s imagination could do on it’s own.  He rolled over and almost apologetically sidled up to him so he could press their foreheads together.  It didn’t help, exactly, but it felt good to do and it grounded him.

 

He slowly opened his mind to Ren’s and let the entirety of the conversation with Fiiranza pass between them; the ugly facts of it mixed with his fury, his fear, and a selfish and overwhelming desire to tell the General of the First Order’s fleet that under no circumstances would he share even an iota of Ren’s DNA with her-- much less the appalling “favor” she’d asked for.

 

Then he waited because there was nothing left to do.

 

He felt Ren trembling with some emotion, though now it was Knight’s turn to neglect to share their bond and keep his thoughts to himself. He said nothing for a long moment, and then finally slipped his arms around Hux and gathered him close, pressing his nose into his hair as he drew a long, shuddering breath.

 

Now that it was out Hux let himself sink into that warm embrace with a measure of relief but it was short lived.

 

He pushed at Ren through the old pathways of their bond, desperate for the knight to hear it, even as he closed himself off.

 

_"Husband, I can’t protect you from this.  Not even my death could keep it at bay."_

 

“Is that what this has all been about? You trying to protect me, by shutting me out?” Ren’s voice was strained, clipped, but Hux felt that the emotion behind it was not directed at him.

 

“I don’t know,” Hux whispered.  “I don’t even know what to do.  Snoke’s found another way to try and use you for his purpose.  She’ll go along with it.  I don’t have the resources-- I can’t-- there’s nothing…  I thought I could protect you as long as we were together and in the end there’s not a damn thing I can do about any of it.  Useless.”

 

He gripped Ren tightly as though he were afraid to let go.

 

Ren’s posture softened and he tilted Hux’s chin up, so that their eyes met. Again, lightning flashed outside, reflecting in the knight’s eyes ominously.

 

“You are not useless. Don’t ever say that. _Tahas rahurill._ ”

 

Hux made a sort of choked off noise in his throat and willed himself not to give into that emotional excess again.  

 

“But I can’t keep you safe,” he said finally.

 

“You cannot fight Snoke and Fiiranza and the First Order alone for my sake, no, but… if they think they will do this thing with my cooperation, they have vastly misjudged me.” There was a darkness in his eyes now.

 

“Ren, you can’t take on the entire First Order.”  Hux cupped his cheek and stroked it with his thumb.  “Don’t be absurd.”

 

“Can I not?” he smirked, but there was no humor in it.

 

“Tell me what to do,” Hux said, hating how pathetic his voice sounded in his own ears; how powerless.  “Just tell me what to do and how I can help.  Even if it means my life.  I’ll do it.  I won’t let this happen.”

 

“Don’t talk like that, for one. I won’t trade your life for anything, even if you beg it of me. I don’t know yet… but I will think of something. Something that does not include a child of my blood grown in a test tube and raised without… raised like I was. Lonely. Used by Snoke.”

 

Again, Ren buried his face in Hux’s hair.

 

 _“I should have told you,”_ Hux sent, taking the comfort that came freely now.   _“I couldn’t bear for you to see how afraid I was.  I’m still frightened.  I hate that you see it.”_

 

“Shhhh,” Ren breathed against his head, pressing a kiss there. “Just… don’t hide from me. Ever again. It’s like being locked away without light.”

 

“Didn’t mean to hurt you,” Hux said.  He pulled away just far enough to look properly at Ren, knowing his eyes were red-rimmed and swollen and forcing himself to meet his husband’s gaze anyway.  He couldn’t stop trembling.  Maybe it was the tobacco, maybe it was the edge of panic that had crept into his thoughts all day.  He hadn’t gone back to sleep last night and his body felt terribly stretched and battered, needing the rest that his thoughts had kept him from.

 

Needing Ren.

 

The knight’s fingers splayed across his cheek, his eyes haunted, and he dipped his head to capture Hux’s lips. It hurt him, that Hux was always ready to let go of pieces of himself for Ren, and would, until someday there was nothing left. Ren kissed him softly, promising himself that day would never come.

 

The kiss sent a shot of welcome heat through Hux and he returned it eagerly, wishing he didn’t taste like stale tobacco.  He should get up, clean off, shower properly.  He disentangled himself from Ren and made to move for the edge of the bed.

 

Ren caught at his elbow. “Trying to get away again?” he asked, with a mixture of amusement and irritation.

 

Hux offered him a half-smile.  “Don’t you want me a bit cleaner than this?”

 

“Only if you take me with you. Otherwise you’ll do just like you.”

 

The smile spread all the way across his face and Hux offered an arm to Ren.

 

“Come here, Handsome.  Keep me company.”

 

Ren peeled himself off the bed, linking his arm with Hux’s, and walked with him to the ‘fresher. Internally, he was reeling, but his thoughts were too disordered to pick through them for answers. The solution, whatever it was, would not come tonight. He needed Hux, his foundation. Everything else would follow.  

 

Hux paused at the entrance to slip his arms around Ren for no other reason than the comfort of doing so.

 

“Don’t lose faith in me.  I’ll do everything in my power to keep you from harm.  Believe me.  It’s not much coming from a washed-up, force-blind former General but there it is.”

 

Ren pulled him close, his grip tight. “Don’t talk like that. I hate it.”

 

“Oh, Ren… you deserve so much more.”

 

Ren shifted in his arms so he could look in in the face. “I said stop it.” His voice was stern. Fingers traced his cheekbone, the jawline beneath the beard.

 

“You’re right.  I’m rather prone to self-pity today.  It doesn’t get us anywhere.”

 

He took Ren’s hand from his face, kissed it, and then placed the palm deliberately over his heart.

 

 _“Tahas rahurill,”_ he murmured, suddenly solemn.

 

  
“Always,” Ren answered softly.

**Author's Note:**

>  _"Tahas rahurill"_ \- "You are my home."


End file.
